*gulp* Well, I don't know about you, but it sure is one of my favorite piece here on dA so far, and I've seen quite a bunch.

It's so poignant and profound. My words about this piece would be like soap bubbles that don't quite turn out and pop before reaching air. It speaks for itself.

Cool, a genuine compliment! I don't get too many of those on here.

I mean, I'd like to hear something about it, still, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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love and kisses, baby

Would you mind if i recorded a reading of this?

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coffeehouse is selling out!

Hrm, sure, no problem! I'm curious as to how someone else would read this (something tells me different from my own peculiar style for it).

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love and kisses, baby

[link]

The only thing i struggle with is the line:

The moment suggests it should be so.

I don't have a specific reason why, it just feels odd to me, It breaks rhythm somewhat and doesn't seem to add anything to the poem, does that make sense?

I do LOVE this piece, though.

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coffeehouse is selling out!

[link] - if you're curious how I'd read it. (The crap quality is due to my not having a mic on anything but my digital camera, which apparently likes to record in 8-bit mono, 8 kHz... fortunately uncompressed.)

Originally the "so" wasn't on the end of that line, but I added it a few months later, I think to set off the line a bit more? My intent there was to say that sometimes the feeling of a given situation lends itself to certain things happening for no particular reason. I guess it's one of those sorts of things that's difficult to explain to begin with, never mind condense into a neat package to put into poetry, but there it is.

And you get major bonus points for correctly pronouncing "leading".
Where in Britain are you from? My knowledge of non-American accents is still a little shaky.

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love and kisses, baby

hii

Great reading!

I do sense (from the reading) that you're not entirely happy with the line i pointed out. You take a much longer pause at the end of that line in comparison to the the other completed sentences and i am wondering if it would be better as a line on its own.

You should grab a mic and come to * Coffeehouse's openmic sessions

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coffeehouse is selling out!

Open mic, eh? How/where does that work? Something tells me I might not be able to participate till the Internet gets hooked up in my flat (which could take up to a month, damn slow companies...)

And I can't help but think I've gotten all hyper-conscious about that line now, but if I break it, then I wind up breaking my meter that I've already been breaking all over the place as is... I don't know. I'll have to think about this.

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love and kisses, baby

I really enjoyed having this one read to me!

Usually if I really like the poem I will read it out loud myself. This always breathes life and light into the very corners of a poem. I prefer anothers to the sound of my own voice, especially a self-reflexive piece about words and their value.

I love last lines, I am constantly struggling for one which will loop back and tie together all my ideas as this does. This may be your Phyyric victory, within the context of the poem, however, the failure to a sentence has given us a precious gift.

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"…No, you’re drinking’s not up to journalism and neither, probably, is your writing. Stick to criticism mate, you don’t have to be able to drink or write."